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Epilepsy Blog Relay: Searching for my passion – my quarter life crisis

This post is part of the Epilepsy Blog Relay™ which will run from March 1 through March 31. Follow along!

Emily’s Story

January was a hard month. I went into the New Year with a very open mind. ‘2019 will be the one ‘ I said. Dan and I moved into our house in December, our wedding day is 24th February 2019. It felt good. I had this positive feeling, a glowing one. It will be the year I make time to do what I love.

Quarter-life Crisis

But you know how it is sometimes. Things happen, you have days where things get too much and some people think you just deal with things ‘wrong’ and you’re ‘too sensitive’ or you ‘expect too much.’ I have a high expectation for things and if things go slightly wrong I do beat myself up over it, but we are all different aren’t we? How many days do you wake up feeling like your life is on repeat? You wake up to your alarm, brush your teeth, take a shower, drink your tea or coffee, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch TV if you have time, go to bed, and repeat.

I am known by blogging friends and readers as the one who helped set up a support group but I feel I live a fairly ‘ordinary’ life. I work, I own a house, and I try to get on with life as an Epileptic in the most normal way possible. But, I do struggle to keep everything together when it feels like I’m not actually doing anything, going nowhere, and living some life I do feel disconnected from. I have some very close friends, I have a loving family and Dan is fantastic, but I still feel misunderstood.

If I could stand in front of the whole population of this entire planet and beyond, and stress to them what life is really like with a medical condition, I honestly would. If there is some way I can express to everyone how it feels, I would jump for that opportunity. The opportunity to help people understand, to allow me and the other millions of people around the globe be heard.

But I guess for now I will stick to my writing until I get that opportunity.

I am a very outgoing individual, my passion is CHANGE. I want to be the change in the world of stigma. I want people to understand what it is like ‘Living the Purple life’ as I call it. Writing for Living Well with Epilepsy is a huge passion of mine and it has been since I first started. It is 7 years this year since I gained the title of a ‘Writer’, and it is all I have ever wanted to do.

I have learned that your passion doesn’t always have to be your career, but something that you do in your spare time to keep you happy.

Start now, start small

If you’re truly passionate about something, you need to get started now. Don’t put things off. It doesn’t mean you have to quit your job; I work full time but make sure I give myself a bit of time each day to dedicate to writing. If you’re truly passionate, you need to carve out some regular time to do what you love.

The key to following your passion is consistency. Maybe you have always wanted to be a dancer? That doesn’t mean you need to go out and buy all the equipment and expensive tap shoes–maybe look online, do some practice at home, or speak to a friend who maybe does dance. Do some steps at home and then pay for classes if you want to take it further. 15 minutes every day of some warm-ups to get you into the groove. It’s these small steps, done regularly, which will add up to huge results.

Same with photography: don’t go out and spend thousands of pounds on equipment. Start with your camera phone or a cheap camera to see how you feel. Buy some books or take a look on the internet for ideas first.

I am still searching for ways to enjoy the things I am passionate about and you know what holds me back the most? Time. I don’t make time for myself, my weekends are full of yes things I want to do like meeting friends, going out with Dan, seeing family. But I don’t give myself time to practice piano, take photos, write as much, and go walking.

Leave space in your schedule

A completely full schedule can make you feel stuck and unable to follow your dreams. Ask yourself, do you really need to do everything in your schedule? We often take on commitments that we don’t really need to do, and we continue to do them out of habit or guilt. Look back over your schedule from the past month. My calendar is full, every hour of the day is packed with meeting people, going out, wedding things that I could quite easily ask Dan to do but I don’t want to fill his days up, so out of guilt, I do them! Look in your diary–What items are you really excited about doing and love to do? Those can stay. Everything else should be scrutinised. Do you really have to do this task or can it be delegated (like my wedding jobs)? Is there a way you can do it faster, ask for help, or do it less often? Eliminating even one or two unnecessary activities per month can free up the time to follow your passion.

What is your passion and does it help your life living with epilepsy?

Writing and Photography help me a lot. SO let’s make time to do them!

NEXT UP: Be sure to check out the next post by Soo at livingwellwithepilepsy.com for more on epilepsy awareness. You can check out any of the Epilepsy Blog Relay posts you may have missed.

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Contributing Writer

25 yr old monthly columnist on Living Well with Epilepsy. Full time worker of NHS England. Emily's Perspective is a snapshot of what life is like living with Epilepsy. I was diagnosed with Epilepsy at the age of 10. Based in UK.

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